Here is another try on the logline line for His Wife:
When an officer in the Continental Army discovers his beloved new wife is a Tory at heart, he must face the implications of his dedication to liberty.
This one is a bit longer than I would like it be, but it gets across the idea I am trying to express. Let me break things down to show how it does this...
First, it is important that I tell you that the protagonist is an officer in the Continental Army and not just "a soldier" or "an ardent Patriot". I can't leave it at just "an ardent Patriot" because he is a soldier; and I think the further distinction that he is an officer pegs him even better than merely, "a soldier". Anyone with a small amount of knowledge about the American War for Independence knows that officers in the Continental Army were the most likely to be in for the long haul of the war. I want to be very clear in identifying my main character for you right away.
Second, it is important that I tell you that the protagonist "discovers" that his wife is a Tory. This word lends curiousity about why he doesn't already know this about the woman he married. Of course, I don't give you the answer to why in the logline! :-)
Third, it is important that I tell you that the protagonist's wife is "a Tory". This introduces conflict--again, for anyone with a minimal understanding of the American War for Independence.
Fourth, it is important that I tell you that she is a Tory "at heart"--this lends an air of deception within their relationship and is likely to cause you to sympathize with the protagonist.
Fifth, it is important that I tell you that she is the protagonist's "beloved new wife". This hints at the depths of the his upcoming struggles.
Sixth, it is important that I tell you the protagonist "has to face the implications" of something. This implies that he has been avoiding something or has been ignorant of something before now. Either way, he has a moral challenge before him. What is he going to do?
Seventh, it is important that I tell you the types of implications he will have to face--"his dedication to liberty". This tells you that the protagonist is an ardent Patriot without my having to explicitly express it. This also tells you the primary point of contention and where his desires are yearning....
How is that? Any clearer than last time?
When an officer in the Continental Army discovers his beloved new wife is a Tory at heart, he must face the implications of his dedication to liberty.
This one is a bit longer than I would like it be, but it gets across the idea I am trying to express. Let me break things down to show how it does this...
First, it is important that I tell you that the protagonist is an officer in the Continental Army and not just "a soldier" or "an ardent Patriot". I can't leave it at just "an ardent Patriot" because he is a soldier; and I think the further distinction that he is an officer pegs him even better than merely, "a soldier". Anyone with a small amount of knowledge about the American War for Independence knows that officers in the Continental Army were the most likely to be in for the long haul of the war. I want to be very clear in identifying my main character for you right away.
Second, it is important that I tell you that the protagonist "discovers" that his wife is a Tory. This word lends curiousity about why he doesn't already know this about the woman he married. Of course, I don't give you the answer to why in the logline! :-)
Third, it is important that I tell you that the protagonist's wife is "a Tory". This introduces conflict--again, for anyone with a minimal understanding of the American War for Independence.
Fourth, it is important that I tell you that she is a Tory "at heart"--this lends an air of deception within their relationship and is likely to cause you to sympathize with the protagonist.
Fifth, it is important that I tell you that she is the protagonist's "beloved new wife". This hints at the depths of the his upcoming struggles.
Sixth, it is important that I tell you the protagonist "has to face the implications" of something. This implies that he has been avoiding something or has been ignorant of something before now. Either way, he has a moral challenge before him. What is he going to do?
Seventh, it is important that I tell you the types of implications he will have to face--"his dedication to liberty". This tells you that the protagonist is an ardent Patriot without my having to explicitly express it. This also tells you the primary point of contention and where his desires are yearning....
How is that? Any clearer than last time?